RA(N)TZ

A thought occured to me that I been crunching the numbers on the past few days, applying all kinds of scenarios to see what might not apply -

Seems like it's easier to get into something than out of;
Troubles, a parking spot, cats in tree's, problems, relationships, under the sink (more effort not to bonk your head crawling out), debt, the attic, clubs.

I guess getting into a country is harder than getting out. They check for what you might be bringing in. People are like countries. They resist new people coming into their area without a sufficient (psycho-emotional) luggage and security check of their own. Some people who let anyone in over time probably get a lot troublemakers in their 'country'. People who take the time to not let them in so easily see how much attitude, fidgety-ness, or complaining comes as they wait in the security checkpoint. The guards (when doing their job well) react more favorably to people who take the time to consider the guard's job and mindset, so they have their boarding passes out and i.d. ready. Taking the time to understand what they can do to help the check-in go easier and create a sense of mutual respect.

I didn't drive in thinking I'd attempt to connect how people conduct themselves in airport security with how they react to starting a relationship with someone, but hey, that's America. Not sure what aspect of human nature this would correlate too perhaps, but watching people in their 50s react to removing their shoes at the security check (like it's some frighteningly new wrecking ball to their mental architecture) fascinates me. Or when they stand next to signs and hear the attendants screaming it to keep their boarding pass out. Yet they get up to the security check, are asked for the boarding pass, and get all mad and flustered at the guards asking them to go back down 10 leagues into their purse to get the boarding pass.

Make your life easier, wear button shirts with a breast pocket. Put your i.d. and your boarding pass there. Anywhere you need it, you reach in, pull out it out, put it back, move on. We love James Bond being prepared and smooth with all his paperwork and gadgets at the ready. Why don't we make the connection that we can do that too? Our jeans have more pockets that 007's suit for Christ's sake. God knows our lipstick, inhalers, wallets, paperback edition of 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', our Tony Robbins audiobook, and gum is in the outer quick-access pocket of our shoulder bags. We chose to wear comfy loose fitting clothing for sitting in a cramped airplane. Yet 4 YEARS after 9/11, and the hundreds of thousands of flights that have occured since then, people are still gaping at their spouses in annoyed surprised bruised-ego awe as though the guard asked Grandma to pop her top when asked to put her change and keys in the busboy tub, and kick off her shoes. If everyone is so sick of the security checkout point, why then does almost everyone not tweek their own behavior one half ounce's worth to make it go smooth???

Most people have flown at least a few times. Is it so hard to take 8 seconds at your house while packing to 'Desperate Housewives' to remember the flow of operations thru an airport from your last visit, and get prepared accordingly? I guess it is when your TV spews commercials of adult-age empowered brats demanding how they want and demand their bank, coffee, eye-glasses, microwave dinner, hair conditioner, auto financing, and herpes medicine to meet THEIR terms and be THEIR way. And if you wear a scarf, red leggings and some Lisa Loeb glasses, your fashion sense must mean you're serious and deserve coddling cuz you're so hip.

This is the result folks. This is what happens when the screaming kids you saw getting the candy in the checkout lane from a Mom who wouldn't say no grow up to be consultants and branding people in advertising. They intuitively understand that playing to the entitled brat in people will work on them to sell them bad food, meaningless plastic, and shitty loan rates. "Come to our company, we'll be just like the parents who never said no. Well, until our beautiful actors with neon teeth get you in the door. Then our clerks will show you what that translucent disclaimer text at the bottom of the screen at font size -1 said. Oh and, when we run your credit report."

"But the beautiful people told me I could have it my way!"

"Yeah, maybe at Burger King sir. As long as you avoid drive-thru. NEXT!"

But anyway, the boarding pass is paper. (Remember this wave from earlier? :) You can fold it with one hand. That and your drivers license, ya put in your pocket. Easy access in, easy out. Like wearing sweatpants to your girlfriend's/boyfriend's house when you're 16 cuz the parents are gone that night.

But in regards to getting into things easier - maybe because momentum agrees with the Universe. Do even stuntmen ever really get comfortable driving a car backwards? Walking upstream always takes more out of you than walking with the current. Obviously if you need to go up river, against the current, walk along the side of the river, outside of the main flow. Less resistance.

No wonder philosophers and good artists eventually live in and study nature. The answers are right there if one watches the physical and spacial relationships. It's why somebody termed people behavior "Human Nature.


This is an ad for a song sung by a group of dolls from a cartoon I think. These dolls, called 'Bratz' are pre-teen fashion-obsessed girls, dressed like Sorostitutes-in-training who rock it out.


They actually did it. They kept the plastic element (in every aspect)), but got rid of the pesky carbon-unit human elements. It's merchandising without the actual band! Sweet. The label doesn't have to pay for insurance or hotel lodging for 5 real girls. They got the posters, dolls, music singles, videos. No pesky humans! No periods on gig nights, no long distance relationship problems, no royalty checks to the performer, no infighting among the band.

Imagine if you will, some Men-in-Black type walks among bodyguards to the ledge of the Mall's 2nd floor near the top of the escalator. A thousand teen and pre-teen girls are screaming for the Bratz. He removes 6 dolls one by one from a briefcase to the shrieking of the audience. He places them on a table (the stage) and hits the PA to play the song. The Mom's and their daughters start boogie'ing to a fake song that was sung by these inanimate plastic dolls that are "on tour" and came to this Mall, in that town, that day. So that means it's special.


Anyway, I like Yasmin. She comes with the totally awesome latex 'Fuck Me!' training heels that she can wear to Deja Vu when she works her way thru college.


A Ha! Gotcha! Yasmin won't work at the Vu to pay for college cuz DADDY'S GONNA PAY FOR IT. She's just gonna go to the Vu for amateur night on a dare from her boyfriend anyway. What's the big deal, it's only the Vu. It's like, OhmyGod, I've been to Cancun before. And I totally made out with my best friend at Todd Derris's party when the guys rooted us on to do it.

And you know what?
Daddy will pay for it.
He always does, in the end.