THAT'S A WRAP

When I make my own 'Super-Size Me" documentary, I'm gonna live on Taco Bell Meximelts and McDonald's breakfast burritos. Because I could.

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PLEASE GOD NO

Seeing a certain CD sent meoff on a phase of Sammy Hagar -->investigating Montrose for the first time--> Van Halen. I been jamming 2 of my fav VH songs, 'Secrets' from Diver Down and 'Me Wise Magic' from the '96 Best Of. Then of course, my ear wanted the balls and brash of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. (Which btw, was Sammy's "gel" record. That album was truly when the natural 'isms' of VH and Sammy finally blended and 'VanHagar' actually birthed itself. Every song on there can be traced to a Roth-era song composition-wise, but Sammy's vocals are pure Sammy in tone, spirit, and character.)

Aaaaanyway... so I'm coming into work with 'Poundcake'just pummeling the air with Alex's punchy, big room sound, brashy drums. (His bass drum on this album sounds like a wrecking ball was wrapped in velvet and when he hits a cymbal with it, it's sounds like said ball was swung through a wall made up of two pieces of drywall with about 30 sheets of glass between them. Imagine that visual and sound and turn up the subwoofer of your brain.

So the tune's ending and I cut off the CD to catch Drew and Mike's Trudy News and their talking about that Rockstar INXS show where they had a kareoke contest to replace Michael Hutchence. Then Drew says he heard that there's been rumor that this show might do another season with VAN HALEN finding a singer this way!

Now... [tense, constrained, sigh]...let me say something here.

(Right now by the way, every good friend of mine is feeling a disturbance in their Buddy Force. Something is making them very afraid, they know a seismic disturbance is occuring somewhere, like when Ben felt Alderaan explode. My really good friends, like Ruz who's currently flying back from his tour of duty in Iraq is sensing that something's wrong with Dave. His body is tensing up because he knows somewhere a Dave Van Halen rant is start to rumble the volcano's mountain.)

So I'll try to spare some carnage here. Touch up the levee's. Sandbag the outer bunker. Have the National Guard at ground zero before the riots start. I'll radio the Blue Angels for a flyby after they buzz the stadium when the national anthem finishes at whatever ballpark they got hired for. And we all know it ain't gonna happen.

I have the internet on my side. I will find out where this Rockstar show is and pull own personal Hedwig and yank the microphone cord out of these singer's mic's if this goes down. I will torch 5150 studios. (I'll look around first since I always wanted to visit that).

I said it once, I said it billion f*ckig times in the kitchen and backyards of various parties since 1999. If this band wants to have any chance of getting something done in a good way, they need to get Gary Cherone back.

Yes yes yes....I f*cking know. We all wish Dave would come back. He tried. Twice. Sammy took the high road and made first contact with Al, had lunch, bam we had a tour in 2004. Sammy got burned by that. Eddie and Al have problems. It's as simple as that. Gary was an intellectual and had a calming, inspiring influence on Eddie. Eddie let himself be himself, without being a wastoid with booze as his crutch (which reports seem to be saying he's back to.)

That album with Gary should perhaps have been an Eddie solo album, perhaps not put out as "Van Halen". To help get that unit gel'd. (It takes two years to become a really good band. Or drumline. Or any performance unit. I've taught, I've studied. Trust me.) The tour was amazing, Gary worked that crowd up like no one had seen in years. he learned what worked with that audience and what didn't. The work on the next album was coming along great, the tunes were more cars and women than political machinations and the like. Gary figured out the conciousness of the room he was to be speaking to. It was gonna be great. Shit, he was even growing his rock hair back out.

I'm tellin ya. At that time in the mid-90s, there was a synchronicity between what Gary brought to the table and where the VH nucleus was musically and maturity-wise. Gary understood the history of that band's musical output better than the band. He understood it as a fan, and as an accomplished performer and singer himself. It wasn't Eddie who decided to pull out 'Jamie's Cryin' and 'I'm the One', Mean Streets, Unchained, Romeo's Delight. It was f*cking Gary!

Gary's presence and influence got that band to accept and engage their past for all the glory it was, and at the same time allow the band to be as creative as they had always wanted to be. Eddie's an insecure kid who's voice is what he gets out of that guitar, Al's the big brother who protects him and makes the decisions, business and overall band aesthetic. (Remember, it was Al and Roth who were always conflicting over the band's focus, purpose, and presentation.) Michael lays back and lays it down. Gary was the brains and the rock of Al and Eddie combined. They could play smart and bring the boogie-woogie. They could satisfy the intellectual side while also not feeling like dinosaurs revisiting the gems that put them on the map. Every band grows tired of their early material and sees playing it again as backpedaling until enough time and distance pass and someone or something very real to them happens which puts a new perspective on how good that work really was.

There's arguments that VH should stick with the early stuff.
Well padre, how about you quit your job and go back to first job of washing dishes or waiting tables. You de-volve back too. Get back to "keepin' real". That's a nice mindset to have towards these guys. Hey Eddie, Hey Hetfield, leave your wife and house to pollute your body and insult your intelligence with a lifestyle that you already learned fucks your music up anyway. Yeah. Go back to being an angry self-destructing fuckup so I, Joe Dumb Fan, can get my money's worth when I escape my shitty directionless life for one night going to your show. Because I, your "fan", have musical consumer rights to your career and life, and wants you this of you because it makes me more comfortable with your output.

Years ago I clipped out a news item for my cube wall where a bunch of Aerosmith fans started a petition asking Aerosmith to be please get back on drugs. Because they hadn't written a decent riff since the drug days. It was funny in a way, but it's like the above mentality. I wonder if the fans would, in exchange, cover the housing, medical, counsleing costs for the band's children and families who would reap the benefit of this kind of action. Hey as long as the riff's are there, screw little Jenny having a chance at -not- becoming a stripping coke-whore because Dad was a distanst violent wastoid. It's about the music man. It's gotta be.



- Dave deserted the fans who for some reason still support him most.
- Sammy gave us 11 years (those shows were packed) till the brothers got stupid.
- Gary tried his best, took the jabs, and gave fans more of what Dave could not (great live vocals) or Sammy would not (classic material).

Yes I wish Dave would come back and they all got their personal shit together.
Yes I wish Sammy could do the same, but he tried, and it blew up in his face again.
I was there in 2004. Sammy's a pro and delivered a great show. But he'll never fully trust Eddie again. And that affects things. Even when it's not musically-based, that kind of protected holding back affects a band's vibe and output. LIve and recorded. The truth just sounds different, always. Truth is, Sammy won't ever truly rely on VH again.

But if anyone should come back now, per the history and circumstances, it should be Gary. With Gary they would actually be a Band.

Or we can get Sebastian Bach.
Or how' bout Rob Thomas?
Clay Aiken?
Fred Durst?
Melissa Etheridge?
Rob Zombie"
the guy from Nickelback?
Scott from Creed?

I know! How about some arm and neck tattoo'd skateboard guy with the bullring in his nose? That would be some cred.

How about Ricky Martin?
Andre Dice Clay?
Corpse of Bob Hope?
Lil Bow Wow?
Pavarotti!
Oak Ridge Boys?
Stephen Hawking.
Foreigner!
Ralph Nader?
Twiggy the model?
Bernie Mac!
Gonzo the muppet!!
Sean Hannity?
Jay.
Big Boy
Dennis Rodman?
Neil Sedaka!
Owen Wilson.


Yeah, I guess you're right. Any of these clowns would be a much better fit than Gary, who did the job, can do the job, and would do a great job, for all the right reasons.

Well, I guess we'll just have to keep going to Aerosmith then.
"Week-ick-ick-ick YOW!"

BREAKING NEWS

Today is 'Talk like a Pirate' Day

talklikeapirateday.com



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At some point, we all become "that asshole" on the highway.

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WE DO KNOW JACK

Joy got a dog this past weekend, Jack.



He's a very good boy. Rottweiller and we're thinking maybe Doberman. He's like a Rott on the Hollywood no-carb diet. Very strong, very fun and playful. He and his buddy were given to the rescue in Howell per a nasty divorce, where the husband got everything and the wife gave the dogs up to (hopefully) a good home rather than let the ex-hubbie keep them and most likely not care for them well. Every loss is a gain somewhere else. So Joy wanted a big dog as loveable as Max the other Rott she dogsits for her brother sometimes. Finding as good a dog as Max is near impossible, but Jack is a good candidate. When he mellows a bit and gets used to his new Ma and Pa, he's gonna be just fine.

And he's barked only twice since we got him; once when Brendan tried the "Speak!" (for a treat) trick, and once when he "BOOF!"-ed at some people who walked a little close to the house this weekend. We were worried his protective instincts might be a tad on the Lebowski Dude side (the rescue said he acted like "didn't have a care in the world." They were right.)

He's strong. You could ski down the sidwalk behind him with no wheels if you're light enough.

Everyone says their huge menacing violent looking big dog is a big teddy bear. This guy is. But if you ask to shake, his RoboRott legs are like junior baseball bats. He brings it up and brings it down and your arm goes dee-OWn. He honestly doesn't know his own strength. He's like a cute small dog reincarnatd into a big dog. I wish we had some pics of him of our own, cuz he's a smiley dog. These pics of him from the rescue make him look a little serious.


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ME WUVS HALEN

From an email of mine to Ruz who's serving in Iraq, and my all-time best VH drinking buddy. Old men sit in the driveay in their lawn chairs talking about sports and the war, Ruz and I will be cheerleading about Van Halen over our egg-beaters and juice at Ram's Horn when we're 80.

Me Wise Magic might be my all-time favorite VH song dude.
I think it may just be their finest moment. The tune they pick to put on the Voyager probe so the aliens can hear choice tunes from EarthRock.

In one tune it just about encompasses every 'ism' of each guy, every crystallized value of their playing and personae that I have always loved and appreciated, from every stage of their musical development that I hold dear about VH. It houses the absolute blow your wad on the mountaintop rock glory of the younger years with the taste, chops, and matured musicality that they got over 30 years of jamming. I am muscially in love with that song, and the band for it.

I say it again, this song, as a composition, guitar solo and all, could be submitted as a music school jury piece.

This tune is almost 10 years old dude. Every note is perfect and genius, even when it's a wag.

God I wish those 4 could get it together and get Glenn Ballard to corral that energy again. Ballard got it down to tape. He gets a performance out of a band that leans precariously over the cliff edge of what even they think they can deliver, so the emotion runs at the scared yet confident edge. Then he puts a sheen on it so it sounds closer to glory than it does a near-casualty.

[I will be coming back 'round on this topic with my doctorate on why Me Wise Magic is so good. A detailed inventory and review of this song's composition. Stay tuned Rock Dawgs. but if you wanna start, early just listen to it first and only follow the guitar. Like if you had to learn to play it. Listen to the rhythm chords unerneath the chorus. Star with Eddie's part. Everything he is is in that guitar part, then and now. Trust me, I've logged the hours and miles. This song is their time capsule/lightning in a bottle.]

That Dave Mathews Everyday album is same way.
I go to the wall for that one too, even though everyone says its the corporate record. Bullsh*t.
Ballard wrung the absolute last drops of musical beauty out of that band on that one. He got the brush, twigs and branches out of the way so the ear could "see" and hear the tree. That beauty was always (and is always) there with DMB, and Ballard grabbed the essential elements and brought them forefront for the ear to hear immediately.

Shit, I'm a drummer, but even I want a perfect chord change rather than some hi-hat roll trick. Carter can bitch all he wants in hindsight about how much Ballard didn't let him play alot on that album. Well, sulk in the mansion Carter, cuz I remember reading the Rolling Stone in the magazine aisle of the Ypsilanti Meijer's hen Everyday came out, reading your words that you said about how much you loved that Ballard's guidance (albeit uncomfortable at first) really helped you mellow and let the song breathe better and be expressed more powerfully. Reminds me of Chris Squire of Yes heaping praise all over Trevor Rabin at the 1994 release party for the 'Talk' album. Then the band split, Squire started up the retro-classic Yes with Howe back in and just shit-talked all over Rabin. Hey Squire you pretentious British Bass F*ck, Rabin kept your yacht payments in good standing in the 80s. If you're gonna complain, go after the wardrobe person for the 90125 tour.
Shithead.

Lothar of the Bass People.


Now we know where Patrick "Wah" Roy got the idea for those psych-you-out goalie knee pads.


River Yes Dance!


I love ya Chris, and I always turn up the 'Roundabout', but not Geddy, Mark King, Billy Sheehan, or Bootsy has yet been knighted for bass playing and granted a castle of their own. I love seein' the hustle out there on stage, and the upper class British dignity you carry your head high with being a rock bassists is impressive. But it's a piece of wood that goes "BRONG!" and "Baownk ba-Daonk Baownk". I'm sure Arthur woud no doubt have made you the Round Table's designated minstrel representative. But you try leading some 3rd Crusade into the Middle East with just that mighty Rickenbacker, and Ltn. Commander Tony [call-sign:} "Bruce" Lee is gonna end that desert plain bass solo for Humanity's Love with a daisy cutter right up the back of that trenchcoat. 'Owner of Some Lonely Parts' I'm thinking...




Wai'...whut were we talkin' about?





Oh Yeah!, so we go this dog named Jack.


He's a very good boy. Rottweiller and we're thinking maybe Doberman. He's like a Rott on the Hollywood no-carb diet. Very strong, very fun and playful. He and his buddy were given to the rescue in Howell per a nasty divorce, where the husband got everything and the wife gave the dogs up to (hopefully) a good home rather than let the ex-hubbie keep them and most likely not care for them well. Every loss is a gain somewhere else. So Joy wanted a big dog as loveable as Max the other Rott she dogsits for her brother sometimes. Finding as good a dog as Max is near impossible, but Jack is a good candidate. When he mellows a bit and gets used to his new Ma and Pa, he's gonna be just fine.

And he's barked only twice since we got him; once when Brendan tried the "Speak!" (for a treat) trick, and once when he "BOOF!"-ed at some people who walked a little close to the house this weekend. We were worried his protective instincts might be a tad on the Lebowski Dude side (the rescue said he acted like "didn't have a care in the world." They were right.)

He's strong. You could ski down the sidwalk behind him with no wheels if you're light enough.

Everyone says their huge menacing violent looking big dog is a big teddy bear. This guy is. But if you ask to shake, his RoboRott legs are like junior baseball bats. He brings it up and brings it down and your arm goes dee-OWn. He honestly doesn't know his own strength. He's like a cute small dog reincarnatd into a big dog. I wish we had some pics of him of our own, cuz he's a smiley dog. These pics of him from the rescue make him look a little serious.


Such a good boy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get rid of the automatic spam that someone sicked on this blog's comments section.

Oh, I forgot...
I did go see Umphrey's McGee, and they were spectacular again.

Yooou must learn the ways of the Force, if you're to come with me to Umphreylderann..."



Umphrey's play so good I feel like a little girl when I see them.



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'ATCHOO HAIKU:

Chase chicken like Rocky
Catch fry like Miyagi
Catch grasshopper by hopping in grass too
Here ends 'Atchhoo Haiku.




Thaaaat's right...IIIII'm Abe Froman...

INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth
$49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND,
you would have had
$214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

p.s. I swear to you (all 5-6 fans of this blog) I got some good stuff comin'. Just haven't had a good chunk of time to go to town on it.

its been awhile

Sorry about that.

Check out this neat thing:
Aerial/Satellite view of New Orleans in sectors. You can see the whole city, and where the water is and isn't. Click on a section of town and keep zooming in. Brown areas are dry, green-looking areas are where the water is.

School's In

The Apocalypse has officially begun loading its tanks and armies on to the transports...

U.K. schools allowing kids to swear in class.

I really try to sail the middle of the channel politically, I'm blessed with fiercely intelligent friends who provide me great views of the shores from each side of the boat.

But this is some seriously f*cked up liberal touchy-feely bullshit. More of that 'esteem-based' Dewey New Education crap where not letting the kids get their feelings hurt or feel bad for anything they do (like get 2+2 wrong or, uh, tell the teacher to fuck off) is so frowned upon because these over-striving "super" parents want to be their kid's best friends, rather than a square un-cool parent (who compassionately disciplines the kid so they don't screw their life and the world up later.) So these "parents" put this "bike helmet of life" perimeter of buffer around their kid in everything they do. No hurt feelings, no unfulfilled desires, no failure, no learning to cope with NOT getting everything junior wants. Psychologically, not only is Mom wheeling the grocery cart out to the mini-va...sorry, SUV, but she's also wheeling the entire candy rack from the checkout lane with her too.

There's no time to let junior scream and learn life ain't always about him, Mom's late for her weekly berating of the soccer coach for not putting junior at center. Cuz he's obviously the most talented kid out there. When he's not picking his nose due to his nervous tick from being obsessively postured by his SuperMom. But not to worry, Dad will distract the crowd from the nose-picking with a good right hook to the coach anyway. Dan Sheckling, regional manager of the Northwest territory, Quadrant 3F, Clark county division of United Fruit Warehouse District 8 didn't spend his school years slamming skinny freshman into lockers so he could grow up to have a 4th string defenseman embarrass his sperm's family name on the soccer field.

I channel the spectre of Carlin for this one:
"Children are not all special, they're just like adults: a few winners, and a whoooole lot of losers."

A bit generalized, but you get the idea.

Happy Wednesday.

Some Things Protect Themselves By Being What (or Who) They Are.

At first I thought "In his mind, in 1984 this would have been the result of hitting the 'Ultimate Career Nightmare' button in the time machine." And in my mind too.

Then I remembered something very important:
I'm talking about David Lee Roth.
There's a completely different set of rules and premises at work here.

This is probably EXACTLY what that clown was hoping to be doing in 2004 on that day of all days. And God bless for him loving every stinkin' second of it. Talk about not givin' a shit. He's SUPPOSED to be pulling off stuff like this. He wouldn't be David Lee Roth if he wasn't.

You think I'm gonna give it up here? No you gotta go do the legwork pal.
Wait for it...

'Jump' and 'California Girls'

Stick with me kid, and you'll be fartin' through silk

From the illustrious Joe Rickle, Downriver Michigan's Ambassador of Comedy.

"Dave:

I was stuck in some of the exiting cruise traffic on Saturday, and low and behold, the frickin A-team van was next to me. The personalized license plate was the best part…”PTYDAFU”.

-Rickle"

So which Big 3 company, oil company, or government office will foot the bill for the goon squad to take out this guy with the 'Preston Tucker Treatment'?

Tinkerers fiddle with hybrids to increase efficiency. Getting 250 mpg.


Too many families here making too much money off generations of gas guzzling car sales. Mass transit and less reliance on cars means less car sales. Henry Ford the 17th's trust fund goes bye-bye when efficient innovation threatens the money spring of the Old Guard and their models.

Follow the money.

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By the way some piece of sh*t decided to set the auto-spam machine on and post "comments" to this blog that are just ads. sorry for this. If you see comments "removed by administrator", that's me cleaning out spam.

Everday with this crap happening, I'm understanding more why the Kaczynski's of the world go live off the grid in a cabin. I'd just talkto the birds and critters instead of building bombs though. Well.. playing with m-80s would be fun. But I wouldn't be leaving them in people's mialboxes. I'd just blow stuff up out in the woods. Like the outhouse. THAT would be fun. But then the spread-out poop would make the area attract bears who'd eat my food. Not good because off the grid I'd have no electricity for the motion-sensor alarm. But I could befriend the bear, name him Ben II. Or maybe 'Ben Too'? I do have a favorite flannel I like to wear, and I've been told facial hair is becoming on me. I do like Doc Marten boots too. And I recently came to appreciate the greatness of suspenders with the suit I bought for a wedding years ago.

Ya know, this whole Grizzly Adams thing (as you can see) is making alot of sense and speaking to me. It's all coming together without me trying.

Then when I'm bored I head into town and while saying hi to the folks on the main drag, learn of some petty crisis from old Maude who lives on the hill that can become that week's adventure for me and Ben Too. (See how that name works so well already??")

But I need a name...something the townfolk will remember well.

"Grizzly Adams"...

"Grumpy Below"?
"Uncle Dave"?
"Bear Guy"?
"Mr. Gave Up"?
"Un-Unabomber"?
"Glorified Igor"?
"Mountain Adventure Guy with Crazy Bear Friend"?

I need to work on this some more.
And I need to find someone who works at the zoo so I can steal, er, I mean free a bear cub I can raise to be my sidekick. Teach him to drink with me like the Molson commercials bear. And communicate too. So he can go into town without me to buy more beer.

Clancy the General Store manager: "Well hello B.T.!"
B.T. (Bear Too): "KBWAARLL"
Clancy: "Another case?
B.T.: "BWAAARL"
Clancy [setting case on counter]: "Is he on another bender again?"
B.T.: "HRAAAAL! REMF RemF..."
Clancy [ringing up case]: "Ya now B.T. you need to stop supporting this behavior in him. It's not doing him or you any good. That'll be...oh why do I even ask. You always show me you have no pockets anyway for money, you're a bear."
B.T.: "GRAWL! FRIMF FRIMF! HARG HARG Pft BLARRGHH!:
Clancy: Save it B, you always use that excuse. I'll just charge this to the birthday party tab. You're still coming to little Jessie's party so the kids can ride and play with you.
B.T.: "BLAAAAAARL!
Clancy: YES, you will wear the party hat!
B.T.: "BLAAAAARL!"
Clancy: YES You WILL. You still want this case of Grolsch???
B.T.: "PMMff..."
Clancy: "That's what I thought."

[clancy rings up beer. Sheepishly looks at B.T.]

Clancy: "Aw, I'm sorry B. You know I'm your friend. I just care about you two up there,that's all."
B.T.: "mmmMMMRRmmmhimpf..."
Clancy: 'C'mere and give ol' Clance a hug."

B.T.: "HRIMF HRIMF Bla -"
Clancy: "YES B, I get the irony here."

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Check out this sweet World Record Bike Jump

cool

Vintage Michigan website.
Find pics of all the drive-in's in Michigan from backwhen.
http://www.waterwinterwonderland.com

Beetlejuice will be performing at the Crazy Leprechaun in Philly.

I heard that on Howard Stern this morning. What a great group of words.


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So this big chemical plant blew up in Wayne, Michigan last night. The band I play in, our guitarist Craig is "Chopper Craig" of the Channel 7 news helicopter. So we get finished playing some tune at rehearsal, his cell goes off, he exclaims "Holy Shit..." and immediately has to go. At first he thought it was an airplane crash at Metro, "some huge explosion by Metro". So we call scramble to help him get his gear in his car because he has to get down the road to get in the news chopper to fly over this thing and pilot/shoot images for the aerial coverage. That's what he does. and traffic reports. And play a mean guitar.

So it was kind of weird and neat to finish practice, get home, turn on the 11pm news to see the chopper view of this giant inferno, and hearing my guitarists voice in this very professional newscast voice relaying what was goin on down there.

Especially since an hour and a half earlier, we were all busting a gut at practice listening to our about-to-retire-from-his-dayjob saxophone player make fun of his sex life in hilariously graphic terms. And Craig was taking the lead in furthering the roasting.

By the way, Craig has a cute little white terrier named Mollie who comes to practice and flies with him a lot. She chases plastic water bottle caps around the slippery floor of our practice space. It's like a real-life Flintstones watching her feet spin in place and she doesn't move.


+

"Don't put it in your notes , put it in your life" --Mr. Dunn

Just just, ok?


* Problems, like the Earth, are spherical in shape; If you run from them in the opposite direction, you'll eventually come right back around to 'em, but the real long way.


* When you begin to remember a moment's beginning, that moment is soon to end.



* There's always someone you love who worships a band you hate. And vice versa.


* "Life finds a way."
--Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park.

It's true.



* If every piece of matter is made up of little atoms with protons and electrons and neutrons all orbiting around a nucleus... and beings and life forms are built up of layer upon layer of more organs made up of millions of more atoms all containing this orbiting circular rotating energy...and the matter in the whole universe is based on this, doesn't it seem to make sense that "what comes round goes around" really does happen since the smallest particles of everything that exist come around and go around in the deepest fabric of their matter? Combine this reasoning with statement #1 above of this posting and it makes sense why we have a new boy band fad every 10 years, there's still marriages where people stay with people who abuse them, and that no matter what year or cast, Saturday Night Live always "sucks" till you watch reruns of said "suck" period 8 years later on Comedy Central and rave about the glory days.


* Let yourself accept that you love Journey.


* Beer tastes different and better when you drink on a boat/on water. Personally i think it's because we're so much water in our physiological makeup, so when we're on water, there's this sub-level molecular thing going on where your surroundings at such a moment are biologically more in harmony than usual. Lake -- person made up of 60%-ish water -- liquid beverage. Your sensitivity thresholds are screaming because you're in the homeland. Or it's because you're enjoying a beer without someone's fart fumes or cigarette stench fighting for your tastebud's and olfactories attention.


* The secret to life is 44% lettuce. (I'll come back to this someday.)


* Joe Walsh could play a guitar solo tomorrow so powerful, soulful, and inspiring that resurrects Jesus, Elvis, Princess Diana, Martin Luther King, and every innocent child who was ever murdered, and people would still have nothing to say of Joe when his name is brought up besides how much of a bafooned, lush, drug casualty he is.


* They know how addicting and good Cinnamon Life cereal is... that's why it's on sale only once a year.


* Listen to Sun Ra on headphones when you go for a summer night time walk.


* Next time the overhead music in the store is annoying you, imagine how weird it would be if there was no music. If you can't imagine it, go to a dollar store. You'll see.


* Tell Grandpa you love him. Even if he's "not like that" cuz' he comes from a different era.


* Kosmo's Deli in Ann Arbor's Kerrytown is a special place. The food, staff, and operation is clean, cheerful, and with love.


* Strange and wonderful dreams if you take a multi-vitamin at bedtime.

The Sex Issue!

(All items are about sex.)


These two deserve all the misery they get having to endure being together to fulfill the contracts they signed in the first place.

[Imagine I spelled 'twats' in a way that made it pronounced like 'brats'. Thanks]

Sexy Because: Paris Hilton is only "important" because the only thing she can do is look sexy.


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Berlin readies giant brothel for 2006 World Cup
No, really.


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Don't know how much this relates to the Sex Issue this edition is supposed to be, but on my headphones is INXS's 'The Stairs', my favorite tune of theirs. Which makes me think of that horrible Rock Star show the band is doing with "host" Dave Navarro to find Hutchence's replacement. Saw 10 minutes of an episode the other week.

Just when I think today's wanna-be's can't get any more irritatingly striving/posturing/over-hyping their own lameness, some producer comes up with an idea for a show that proves me wrong.

Especially vomit-worthy is watching the 'O' and rock faces the other contestants put on fakely when the camera is on them sidestage as they "root on" their competitors singing on stage. Especially that black mohawk dude, he's ridiculous. I didn't know the Mad Max people actually rejected people trying out for "Mutant-Extra".

These idiots need to kneel on the ground and hold between their out-stretched arms one of those over-sized turbo slingshots you launch water ballons with so I can stretch the middle pouch back 30 feet, put a brick in it, and let go.

Lou Ferrigno needs to pick Dave Navarro up by his nipples and throw him through a very thick restaurant front window. Maybe he'll put a shirt on then. I think of my friends who really were behind the Jane's back in the day and must cringe at this great guitarist now.

Sexy Because: Navarro would probably think it was sexy-violent-cool to be thrown out a window by The Hulk. He'd get up, brush the glass shards out of his fur coat and start slowly frenching Lou while Carmen videotapes it for his next video.


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GPS surveillance of sex offenders.


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I'm tired, so I'll end with saying I watched the movie 'Be Cool', the sequel to 'Get Shorty'. Sonnenfield did not direct it and it's apparent. But if you watch "Get Shorty" sometime, watching "Be Cool" is a neat novelty rental since the whole Chili Palmer thing is in your short term memory. Vince Vaughan is pretty funny, and of all people, The Rock is actually quite a good actor in this one.

Anyway, there's a dancing scene between Travolta and Uma Thurman in 'Be Cool' that is actually quite sexy. Like "this probably ruffled their significant other's feathers a bit cuz damn! they look like they really wanna do it to each other afterwards" sexy.

I thought.

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For you techies out there, check out this article about how potential future DVD copyright encryption for hi-def DVD's could really screw the consumer when hackers mess with it.

This kind of thing is making me understand alot earlier in life why Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't keep upgrading their home entertainment stuff.

Be My Taco Bell Bitch yo.

Ya know how like every 4-6 years a new Taco Bell item makes it to your stomach's VIP room? Something that just works for you and becomes the default item for the while?

I was a burrito supreme man in the late 80s. Since the Meximelt hit around that time, it's now a default item,the supreme a treat every 5 years. I could live on Meximelts if they didn't kill me. Early to mid 90s the 7-layer burritto became my main gun, with a Meximelt. But a few too many times of the rice in it being overcooked and crunchy turned me off. I drifted for awhile on meximelts and new gimmicks till the Double Decker Supreme came to town in the early 'oughts. Been on that ever since. Its the best of both worlds - you get some crunch with your folded-differently 'burrito', or, your 'taco' doesn't shatter onto the tray and paper after bite 1.

Bekkala got me now hooked on the spicy chicken burritto. It's my new 'TBell bitch'.
Buck 29 and oh so fine.

Listen I'm not joking...this [blog's] my job!

Remember the Cronin

That REO Speedwagon ballad from 1985, "Can't Fight This Feeling";

That song works.

It works because:
1. The song, as a composition, is there.
2. It's pure REO. Really.

Next time you're sitting in the Allergist's office listening to soft-rock radio waiting out your 15 minutes after your allergy shot (to make sure you don't have a funny reaction before you leave) and it comes on, fold your hands, put down the 3 week old PEOPLE magazine and really listen to it. It's got it.

I always felt this, but this morning I understood why.

If you could speed up the song from ballad tempo to mid tempo, you'll see that it's total REO. Kevin Cronin's vocals, from melody choices, to his little inflection hops he does are all there, just slowed down. If the 1985 synth piano was removed from the intro & outro and it was just acoustic piano, and the drums weren't overly processed, you'd hear this song being as classic as the other REO we all know and love. Huge chorus, Mt. Olympus guitar solo perfectly melded in, song decontructs going out the same way it constructed coming in, Cronin's syncopated vocal melodies where the the last word of the verse dips back down to the same note each line, it's there man.

Forget his smiley cheesy face in the video laying down the vocals, that glossy spittle on his lips making you wanna hit him. Hear the song, and Remember the Cronin who was 80 pounds selling out arenas in the late 70s, hammering that piano with the air raid siren keyboard announcing "Riding The Storm Out", the REO that Dr. Johnny Fever on WKRP in Cincinnatti was always selling tickets to on the air. THAT REO. Cronin with the giant spaceballs Dark Helmet rock hair.

Not today's Cronin imagine (though they still bring it live)


THIS Cronin



I've been jamming "Roll with The Changes" alot lately because it rocks, and because the cover band I'm in might play it. I borrowed a friend's Live Aid DVD and watched REO at the Philly show recently. I've had musical REO DNA in my system lately, believe you me. Now granted, I really liked the ballad back in the day. I was 14, and a big power ballad with real drum fills in it just did it for ya in the 80s, regardless of your gender. (Sorry 90s kids, we had men singing the ballads we slow-danced to in the gym back then, not Mariah squeal-shattering glasses singing about chumps with Booty ADD).

But I'm tellin ya, 'Can't fight This Feeling' is old school REO if you really listen to the components. Its akin to all of their classics, just wound down about 12 beats-per-minute, with some mid 80s production spritz. (Spritz was big in the 80s ya know.) But the notes man, the notes are there.

Go ahead make fun of me. You're just in denial. It's okay. I understand. Really.

Just remember the only air raid siren you'll hear anywhere near Coldplay is the one the network uses as a hype sound effect edited into the pre-game post-season rally-up breakdown halftime report montage (using 'Speed of Sound' as the music) that makes men who put leather balls in holes and other special places seem like important Delta Squad Halo Terminator Globetrotter Ninjas-On-Fire Starship Trooper Dicks saving the planet and humanity thru...a game.

RantOff.

P.s My Bro Brendan saw REO play in Vegas a few months ago on the roof of Ceasar's, in town for a major covention, all the convention companies had parties with music acts. Said REO anniolated the place.

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In other news, my Carlin desk calendar today is great:

I've always wanted to place a personal ad no one would answer: "Elderly, depressed, accident-prone junkie, likes Canadian food and Welsh music, seeking rich, well-built, oversexed, female deaf mute in her late teens, Must be non-smoker."

Sunday Funnies

From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was
postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and
readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice
and explain their reason.

The best submissions: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful
for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just
opening bottles.

KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in
pairs.

TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have
to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air
part.

SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and
retain water.

WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue
hanging out.

COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the
right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the
wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can
always see right through them.

SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.

HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom

HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5000
years but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL -- female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But
consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.

Genius

So over late night snack at Red Robin, Joy and I see reruns on the TV's of the All-Star game pre-game fun day at Detroit's Comerica Park. Billy Bob Thornton is interviewed on the sideline, he's there to wear a Bad News Bears cap and promote the remake movie he's in by just being there as a celebrity wearing his BNB cap.

I almost lose my mouthful of food onto the floor from a creeper laughter that wells within me as I think on Joy's spontaneous, earnest, pure comment about Billy Bob, a comment I think may well perfectly summarize the world's collective shared feelings about Billy Bob, yet has never been pinned to Earth with accurate words:

Joy: [in tired empathetic sincere voice] "Ya know, I wish that Billy Bob Thornton would just relax into being the dirty old man that he really is, and then we could all relax too and celebrate with him."

This NASA site has actual footage from when they shot that probe into that asteroid the other day. Almost looks like bad b-movie sci-fi.

Sucks that this isn't bigger more significant news. I mean, we bulls-eyed a moving asteroid and have actual video.

Oh wait, now I remember why...humanity is too busy trying to stop it's own evolution with terrorist bombs and goddamn cross burnings in my hometown

Yes, Goddamn. As in I indeed say God should damn these f#cking idiots.

Hey let go of my air!

Man Charged With Stealing Wi-Fi Signal

Ironically enough, while blogging this item, I'm listening to the song 'Stealin' by Uriah Heep.

A beautiful thing for music fans.

Don't know if you saw the LIve 8 footage (check AOL's music page for streaming reruns of it), but as someone who has listened to a load of Floyd (not nearly as much as you Zac J I admit), I could not get over the absolute complete power of the whole sound with Waters playing the bass lines. You'd think it would be boring as hell hearing the same old tunes again (and just getting off on the reunion aspect), but those tunes sounded amazing. Waters feel on bass was just wonderful. New life into those tunes.

One of those pure diamond unqiue chemistry things. The natural beautiful combination of those 4 guys and how they feel it together is un-equalled. Waters has a slight tug to his bass lines...not so much playing behind the beat, but a gravitational tug where you hear his note a nano-second after the pulse. Its in time, but you hear that bass line and Gilmour's guitar equally. Sonically...Gilmour's lead line is the front guy in the bobsled and Roger is smashed right up behind him with his sonic arms wrapped around Dave's waist, but he's still behind him physcially. Nick the drummer is behind Roger but in the middle centering the weight, acting as anchor, but its acting, not being. He's moving around here and there playing off the other guy's shifting weight ,and Rick the keyboardist is holding onto Nick nice and snug, head down, but kind of yelling for dear life under his breath. You can hear him, but you can ignore it if you want. But if he got quiet, you'd know something was wrong.

Team Floyd be competing at the next winter Olympics by the way.

Laugh all you want at the silliness, Mr. Rooted-for-the-Jamaican-bobsled-team-as-a-Joke.
Eh? EH!?

Rainy Midnight Drive Home

Perhaps the reason a song becomes popular, or referred to as "great" in mass culture, is because the scope of the song is as big or wide as the default scope of a human being's emotional conciousness. (Doesn't have to be good to be great. 'Great' means it was bigger than usual.)

This is how a song you never liked, preferred, or thought you really enjoyed somehow resonates in you at a later date. Because when you're driving home late thru the rain, sad and depressed about something significant and impactful in your life, the song you always skipped past on the CD (because it was the overkilled "super-single") suddenly is very comforting as it visits you on the radio....somehow at the right time.

Even though, technically, a "right time" should not be possible. You allegedly never liked this song, remember?

Maybe you don't. And maybe that's true.
But the guys in that band sure poured alot of heart and soul into it and it's apparent.

Maybe it's that 'heart and soul' baseline that's become your friend on the ride home.?
Maybe it was always a superb song and you just weren't ready for it when it broke?

These dudes might not be singing 'bout anything remotely close to what I'm going thru, but goddamn I know their feelin' something about their stuff the way I am right now about mine.

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Live 8 was a wonderful thing this weekend. I'm proud to say I remember tuning in thru the day of Live Aid back in the day.

What was even cooler about Live 8 was that no one knew it was also a secret public audition/screentest for the villains of the next Batman film...

Chris Martin trying out for 'Riddler'


Good Charlotte guy testing for "The Bratter"
(Toby Maguire is contractually bound to Spiderman, so they got next best looker.)


Bjork auditioning for "HellCat"


Elton showing he's the only one who can play "The Bugger"


Black Eyed Peas just "wants to be da' main bodyguard elite thug squad of whateva' fuck villain they picks mate..."


The producers don't even have a villain for this guy, but goshdamn he looks like someone smart enough to ruin Batman's plans...
Maybe 'Evil Morgan Freeman"?


Billy from Green Day walked in saying "I was BORN to play The Spinal Tapper, you hear me??!! This guitar shoots Death Darts, Lava, and I can fly on it too you cocks."


And of course, like anyone really thought he'd let us down, Stipe came in and, well, ...in underground theater circles, they'd say "He 'Stipe'd it." - nailing the part to the point of the casting director discretely off to the side whispering a phone call to Bellevue for a "special pickup."


Stipe from the audition:
"You see i could have worn a blue doo-rag mask of the same fabric to match my suit, but that wouldn't have expressed the deeper issues of my character's complex persona. He wants to be understood for his evil genius, and by using the exact color facepaint to symbolize, work as, yet not BE a mask, I'm not truly hiding the person underneath with a physical barricade. You see, "BlueQueBallser" is an enigma representing the power of sadness in our modern world and how a sad person can be as powerful in their rage as a mad person. BlueQueBallser will affect change in Gotham oh yes - while the idiot minions of Gotham's "elite" are mesmerized by the MagnaHumongaGiant JumboTron screen playing a looping DVD of R.E.M. videos, I will be underground poisoning the water systems of the entire city by crying my own mutant radiated Death Tears into the water. By the time I'm thru, Gotham will become my own living plaything...the world's biggest city now my own video-making playground of zombie-fied, permanently sad frowned citizen extras, heeding my every direction from atop my flying camera crane. My radiated Death Tears will have triggered the saddest song each person had ever heard in their life to constantly play in their head. Yet regardless of the millions of different songs internally at play, they will all walk in unison pacing among the Gotham streets to my delight!. From my crane I will direct them with my Atomic Bullhorn (with ragged NME sticker on side) to shout blocking moves and directions for which crowds I want to walk off the un-finished highway overpasses to symbolize the doom we ultimately all share. I figure within 3 years of modest (but budget-exploding production costs to bankrupt the city) video making, I will have accomplished my mission. And The Batman will have no one to save except maybe...his own record collecton!!

If he can ..."


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Watch this hilarious commercial campaign with a caveman being the spokeperson for Milk.

Tommy boy

Brooke Shields bitchslaps Cruise back thru the press.

Just you watch...
I bet you an ice cream within a year Katie and Tom split.
Cuz Katie's still working her way to the top of her acting career game, and she's got a team of hired people (her publicist/management/career design team) who are paid big money to help guide her to the top and steer clear of crap that will typecast her or stain her image.

I gurantee you they are freaking out about how bad all this Cruise bad press is damaging their client's career, and pow-wowing over cocktails on Sunset trying to figure out how to break it to a 26 year old American girl that it's actually NOT a good idea to marry Tom Cruise. And at 26, she's gonna bend with it.

The People story she finally admits to in 2.5 years will be admitting that this whole summer of 2005 really crushed their relationship. But until then, in 1 year from now, the reason they split stays hush-hush.

See this movie S.O.B. for great comedy and biting insight into the Hollywood system. It's timeless. A classic. Blake Edwards ("10", Pink Panther movies, "Skin Deep") directed. And also shows Julie "Mary Poppins" Andrews boobs. Seriously.

There it is then...I've become what I hate... a fucking People/Entertainment Weekly industry columnist. Now I just need to get some 2-bit style show to have me be on-camera gossip consultant and review red carpet video of people I never met strolling in gowns and then defer to me on what else I think I think I sort of can't really know yet try to assume and half but double-ey predict barely in a way not to a point beleive I can or can't...know. At times. About some of them. Depending on if I'm on my period that taping and JUST HATE Kirsten Dunst that day for being so goddamn gorgeous in that silk fuscha strapless Carolina Herrera.

OhGod.

"Hey Whitey, where's your hat?!"

Geez...just when you start rooting for the old school humanistic Bono again who seems to have returned to low orbit with the whole Live 8 thing, this kind of crap makes one actually wanna side with Henry Rollins and his "I-wanna-bitchslap-Bono-AND-his-ego"...

Bono suing former U2 stylist for cowboy hat, earrings, and other 'icons' of the band from the Joshua Tree era.

Have another cucumber slices and lowfat ranch sandwich Bono, trot a flag along the front of the stage, sing your ass off, and stop this stuff. Have the mansions gotten THAT boring? I'm tellin ya Paul, it's seeing this kind of crap that makes the Nobel committee nudge your application toward the 'round' file.

Interesting how a certain sentence from Gilmour's press release at www.pinkfloyd.com about Live 8 was omitted when it was ran on the cnn's, yahoo's, or other US news sites when news of Floyd reuniting erupted. But its here on the floyd site:

David Gilmour made the following statement:
“Like most people I want to do everything I can to persuade the G8 leaders to make huge commitments to the relief of poverty and increased aid to the third world. It’s crazy that America gives such a paltry percentage of its GNP to the starving nations. Any squabbles Roger and the band have had in the past are so petty in this context, and if re-forming for this concert will help focus attention then it’s got to be worthwhile.”

And also by the way, Iraq's going just fine. Planet's not getting warmer either. Anyway Mr. Consumer, your life is incomplete unless you have the new Coldplay, ya mutt. And isn't Lindsay Lohan so incredibly interesting??

Meh...

"Bat Recall Armed Alfred..."

Ok, I'm calling it;

I think as another homage to the original Batman movies, I think they got the same gossip columnist socialite to be in 'Batman Begins' that was in the others. I was able to find online a character named 'Gossip Gerty' real name Elizabeth Sanders. But she's not credited in Batman Begins yet. She was in the 92, 95, and 97 Batmans.

(The other homage I speak of is when Bale grabbed Falconi and did the classic 'grab'em-by-the-lapels and give an in-the-face "I'M BATMAN!" Or is that a comic thing and I'm only an average geek?)

Remember how at every Wayne manor party or society function there'd be that annoying woman who grab Bruce Wayn'es arms and exclaim how "he MUST meet so&so", (usually the villain not in villain-dress). Kind of funny if you think of it in a cultural impact sense...it's gossip columnists at society functions who hook the bad guys up with the good guys.

When the woman who introduced Wayne back to Liam Neeson did that, her voice sounded the same and she looks like an older version of the 90's Batman woman now.

I'm calling it. I think it's the same chick.

Here we go

Here comes Big Brother.
(Public surveillance cams to catch bad guys.) But ONLY bad guys. Really. Seriously. Just ask the police.

It's this bit that scares me:
"The crime rates in Chicago are the lowest in 40 years. The price of keeping the community safe far outweighs civil liberty issues," Bond said.

Ah...more security vs. freedom stuff.

If you ever wanna read a great book about society and privacy going by-bye, read this one:
The Light Of Other Days.

These guys invent a device that can open up a wormhole window anywhere, anytime. Plug in the coordinates and you can essentially open up the equivalent of a Quicktime VR panaromama view anywhere. So as this device gets used (and controlled by the government of course), the truth can be found out about anything. So as privacy becomes exinct as anyone can be seen doing anything anywhere, the book's description on how people and society start living their lives is really fascinating. Like how would your life really change if you knew that at any given moment, people are watching you? How that impacts your life and mental state. Discretion goes away as there's no need. Will you actually stop having sex, going to the toilet, getting undressed, picking your nose, talking about anything important or secretive?

And the other cool part is that the device gets tweeked to be able to look back in time. And they keep going farther and farther, seeing what REALLY happened in history, not what the writers said, but seeing what went down. So that impacts the world huge and upsets deeply ingrained cultural belief systems and such. Seeing how Jesus looked and really died. And farther to when man was evolving. And to when Earth was cooling. Begs the question of how much people would want to know. It's safer psychologically to stay in your comfort zone.

The book's a trip.

While driving the other night STILL hauling things back and from from the old house to the new, I suddenly recalled this quote by the author Ayn Rand for some reason:

"Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed."

She used to use this in regards to her writings on Environmentalism and such. But it wasn't till this day that I thought of it as applied to human nature too.

If you think about it, it's the foundation of psychology and self-help as well as landscape and architecture. (And yet again, my keen fascination and constant epiphanies with how (IMO) literal physics is the same as psycho-emotional physics is refreshed.) Sorry folks...some poeple see colors when they hear sounds, some people feel the energies of people and locales, some people smoke dope and go with their afghan and they're just part of the gang... I keep seeing these 'physics relationships' between tangible materials and human nature.

If you're gonna build on something, you must make sure the foundation is solid and you have to work with the laws of the land's nature, or, you're own inner landscape and it's strengths or weaknesses befoe you build on it. Whether a piece of land, or some life goal.

If you wanna change your attitude, or stop smoking for example, to command your own intrinsic nature, you must first obey it - by understanding how and why it does what it does. Only then can you learn to refine, repair, or upgrade it.

Meh... anyway.
I gotta get this house unpacked.

(10 fake referred-to-only-in-text dollars for anyone who can name the movie the afghan quote is from.)

Sorry for lack of updates for those who check this. I moved last weekend and its been a crazy cluttered, chaotic mess of a time.

I'll use my good fallback Carlin desk calendar for some quick comedy:

"If free trade can really turn all these Third World countries into thriving economies full of entrepreneurs and investors, who's gonna clean the toilets around here?"
Ouch.

"One of the more embarassing strains of American thought is the liberal-humanist, touchy-feely, warm and fuzzy, New Age, environmental-friendly pseudo-wisdom that appears on bumper stickers: "Think Globally, Act Locally," and most embarassing, "Practice Random Kindess and Senseless Acts of Beauty." You know, if kindness and beauty require public reminders, maybe it's time we just throw in the jock."

Now that's what I call Old School Grumpy.

Some crazy artwork done in Microsoft's Paint program by Ryan.
Ah to be 10 again.

Hell my name is your name here and I have a special offer for you.

I'm laughing at myself (as well as my coworker) because these words violently broke the office's silence as they came out of my mouth quite angrily and idignantly as I read about new cd releases today:

"What the hell is this 'Essential Hall & Oates??!, I just f%ckin' bought the 'Ultimate Hall & Oates!..."

Essential
http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=10:cyx8b5z4xsq0~T00

Ultimate
http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=10:qyf6zfs3eh3k~T00

Super Ultimate
Yeah, I'm a little mad right now.


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My god this is funny.

Coolest Monday in a awhile

"Awright, o-right, o-right!"
-McConaughey from 'Dazed & Confused'.

(This is the kind of stuff I'd do/host if I was a celebrity with time on my hands.)

"Absolute Evel: The Evel Knievel Story" (8 p.m., History Channel). Motorcycle madman. Matthew McConaughey hosts this documentary portrait of famed daredevil Evel Knievel, a colorful, cantankerous maverick who offers comments on his various crazy stunts and motorcycle jumps. And that includes Knievel's infamously botched 1974 attempt to leap the Snake River Canyon in Idaho. Oops

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Pink Floyd reunite for Live 8.
Yes, all four.

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Wow.
Madonna finally figured out that there's more to life than exploring her sexuality in front of the world.

This calls for a great rapid-fire montage of every time she scolded Kurt Loder in MTV interviews over the years with come-hither eyes as she would verbally bitch-slap him for even considering questioning her sexual personae and it's role in her publicity strategies. While dressed in whatever slut motif that tied into the new album design-wise.

But what do I know, I just watched MTV and believed it all like a good 80s boy. As long as Prince and Madonna's tunes were making my girlfriend frisky, I was a happy boy-toy.

AARRGH! She's brainwashing me again!!!.."

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I wrote this about the Pink Floyd reunion thing today:

Nick Mason's cool new book about the Floyd has a postscript in it that said it's probably not possible they'd reunite. Key members of the PF team like manager Steve O Rourke has died, and Storm Thorgeson the art director is ailing. So even though the 4 main guys are ok, in their world the PF machine is not what it was.

But...then Geldof comes and saves the day.

I think PF will get it together. Extremely slowly. A few one-off shows, maybe writing together as a lark to see what happens. I think they'll have to convince themselves tangibly that what they already know ("we're too old to be stupid and petty anymore") can be applied to working together. I think their concience and whatnot would only allow them to do something very real and worthy. Especially with Roger. So maybe in 3-4 years I'd expect a tour. A real tour behind a real album. It would have to be legit in Roger's mind. As much as I think he's grown and mellowed and wisened, his integrity has always been there.

And to be honest, I think the other guys would be fine with getting in the studio and letting the old dynamic (sans fighting) take hold - which means following Roger's lead and supporting a bold vision he gets excited about.

In other words, I think Dave, Nick, and Rick could give a shit about "supporting" Roger, or being thought of as his sidemen. I would hope age, death, family, (and being huge millionaries) would comfortably allow them to be cool with the fact that letting Roger's vision (delivered with the abilities and understanding of the other guys) is what makes PF special and unique. And I would hope Roger understands that in a compasionate, un-arrogant way too. It's a synergy and symbiosis that simply works well. His message delivers in no better way than with those 3 guys providing the bricks and mortar to his blueprints. (it seems to me).

And those 3 guys "get it" more than they have the burn to create it themselves. Its obvious by their output. (And being filthy rich). So let the beauty exist. Let go of the ego and competition. The world already knows their geniuses, they've only read it about themselves for 40 years now. What's left to accomplish except putting good music and message to the world?

Maybe O' Rourke's spirit is subversively engineering his mates into resolvving such a feud.? If anyone would really know the scoop of that inner PF dynamic and know the good it would bring, it's that guy. Managing this from the grave.

Maybe they call it "from the grave" because it's so gravely serious, a dead person has to dip back into this plane to make it happen? Obviously us silly humans couldn't get our heads out da butts.

Organic food versus Factory Farms set in a Star Wars animated theme.
Like Hardware Wars.

Very fun.

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

I'm gonna be a DJ in the clubs.

Everyone's doing it seems, and the names are so clever, original, and easy to differentiate. But you know what? I thought of the best one of all.

My handle will be:

"DJ [violently indifferent fart sound]"

I think that will look great in print on the gig listings page.

[Wick Wick Whirrrt, Wick WikWik Whirrrt.]
Can't ya hear me scratchin'?

European newswoman farts on air, can't stop laughing.

I love how the bumper music to transition out of it just drives the hilarity home even more. Her silhouette giggling.

Comin' Alive

WORK HARD, ROCK HARD.

Priming and painting our new house in Ypsi has been a wonderful and fatiguing exercise. And part of that exercise is in learnign first hand what kind of music works well in such situations. Last weekend when Paul the carpenter was putting arches in the living room thruways (arching otherwise standard rectangle doorways), we had the boombox jamming 94.7, classic rock here in Detroit.

If you're gonna spend your Memorial Day Weekend covered in drywall mud, dust, paint primer, shocking your hands into spasm from using power tools to mix that mud for 10 hours straight - Steve Miller, the Eagles, Sabbath, Zeppelin, and Joe Walsh goes down reeeeeal well. It's a great lesson in understanding why classic rock is classic.

Enough rock and metal riffs to mirror the intensity of the hard work you're doing, mixed with the groove of great rhythm sections that were guys who grew up on the rhythm sections who came before them, who were the 40s/50s/60s big bands and early rock-n-roll drummers. So they actually swung. Only hard rock metal band I can think of that swung in the 90s was the Pumpkins. What's that you say? The drummer Jimmy Chamberlin learned drumset playing jazz? Weeeeelll, call me Blondie, I guess I'm right. [ get it? Blondie? Call Me? That song she ha..., oh forget it.]

Anyway, when you're busting your ass on major home renovation and need to get dirty and do stuff that makes you sore by end of day, good classic rock and roll really makes sense as the day's soundtrack. (This is not Major Earth News Epiphany here I know...) The band(s) sound like they're working as hard as you, but also trying to make it feel good. Just like what you're doing with your home.

Painted ceilings ALL DAY today. 'All day' being 2pm to 10pm. Holding the roller on the broomstick for hours because you have to do it right, slow, and with a pattern system to get even coats. Where one side of your neck gets dang tight holding a broom with a pound of weight on the end far out from your center of mass and you have to control the stroke. THAT painting ceilings all day.

And now I'm off to 'visit the Rev. Al Green' and watch a Frampton concert.

Cuz that's what you do after a day of bustin' your ass.

Thank God for Peter Frampton.

I'm about to feel like he do'd when this pic was taken.

More Star Wars

Bill Murray on a radio show where they got him to sing his Star Wars lounge version on the air.

Two great ones from my George Carlin desk calendar:

"Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time."

"A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining."

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IF YOU HAVENT SEEN STAR WARS EPISODE 3/REVENGE OF THE SITH YET, DON'T READ THIS NEXT PART TO AVOID SPOILING IT FOR YOURSELF.

+++++++++++

So tonight before bed Joy and I watched Return of the Jedi from when Vader brings Luke to the Emperor on Death Star 2 to the end (with ep3 still fresh in our minds.)
What a treat.

And YET ANOTHER fantastic cyclical technique with Anakin watching the Emperor frying someone (Mace in ep3, Luke in ep4), trying to decide what to do, yet THIS time he chooses to stop the Emperor. I never thought of that similarity to ep6 when I was watching ep3 in the theater. The actual duration of time that the frying is happening and now two times in his life anakin just wacthes Palpatine doing it and being frozen in confusion.

Sounds easy and simple on paper here, but when you watch it, man does it resonate so much deeper now.

And best of all...after seeing ep3, seeing Anakin in young form at the end of Jedi as a ghost makes TOTAL comfortable sense now. Any weirdness I had was quelled. Because the Anakin ghost has the same essence and facial looks as he did so much of the time in ep3.

How frickin awesome.

But Joy did say that just that bit of Jedi she watched was better "because it was real people and characters. Its more fun." The stormtroopers and Ewoks, etc, the Emperor's throne room set, etc. I.e. Everything's not CG.
Sweeeeeeet.

The Champagne

From an email to my pal Ruz, now in Iraq serving in the Air Force as a firemen. regarding the house Joy and I are working on and getting ready to move into in the coming weeks..

**

Speaking of which, when we first got in the house to start stuff last week, I bought an 18pack bottles of High Life for 9 bucks at the Rite Aid up the street from the new pad. It is, indeed, the Champagne of Beers. I get it now. Always believed, now I understand. I could have wrote my Ph.D on why no man can truly appreciate the High Life until over 30. Maybe 27 if he's exceptional. Those commercials the past year were absolutely dead-on. The older you get, the less tolerance for b.s. you have just by evolution it seems. A man just wants a beer he can sip on or take a swig, and he doesn't want that beer arguing with him, taste or price-wise. I wanna beer, I wanna relax, I don't wanna get crazy, just give me some something refreshing and smooth that won't slow me down, I got enough crap on my plate to deal with (picnic plate literally and life plate figuratively).

I'll enjoy my Guiness when it's the only thing to do when out on the town, with friends over. But it's an insult to the Guiness and to you if you can't enjoy it appropriately. How much can you savor your Guiness holding it at your side while watching the steaks grill? High-end beer is like a girlfriend in that you just can't leave them somewhere alone in a strange place for a significant stretch of time, much less forget where you left them, and expect them to be fine when you get back to her. Leave your lady on a ledge in the garage for a half hour and see if she's just as fine as when you left her there (when you found her again) looking for the charcoal fluid.

Working on that house, yanking moldings off the floor walls, hauling paint into the house, kicking up dust, mowing the lawn that looked like a field of green wheat it was so high... I truly and without impedance understand why real men (usually with the title 'Uncle' in front of their name) had a fridge full of beer in their garage. I filled our new friedge with that whole case of beer, taking up all the room in there gloriously. As I admired the rows of liquid gold so well lit by the fridge light, it reminded me of beer fridges of my relatives. ("Ahhh, I get it now. Keep a shitload of beer in another fridge so there's more room for actual food in the food fridge... GENIUS!") Those old school jukebox-shaped fridges from back in the day, with the cooler door handle latch. You knew you were opening up something serious opening up the beer fridge.

And when Uncle Frank told you to get him a Pabst from the garage during the family holiday get together, well, no nephew worth his new Keds bungled that mission. You can make cousin Brian spew milk out his nose at the kiddie table via a strategically placed sweet pickle up your own nostril all you want, or toboggan down Aunt Nancy's sweet steep staircase on a beach towel while the Aunts sit at the dinner table and smoke those chocolate colored Kool cigarettes while they gossip about everyone else's kids. Hell, you can climb up on to the roof of the sunroom addition via the 3-faced piping TV antenna next to the house so you can jump off the roof and play stuntman. But when it's Go Time for the suds, and Uncle Ken and Uncle George, in their red holiday cardigans send you...not tell or ask you... to get some beers for them, well, that was the High Life to me.

It was my first taste of it and I didn't even know it.

One of the best things about Revenge of the Sith, from a technical standpoint was how they made the CG Yoda's lips stiffer when he talked, so it transitions better to Empire when we get to the puppet. His lips in Empire and Jedi just opened and closed.

Ep2 he had quite the rubbery articulation that just wasn't there with the puppet. Glad Coleman and the SW CG boys caught that.

Wanna see some cool Easter Eggs from ROTS?
The Millenium Falcon was in there indeed.

Tues

The 2nd guy to be Fred Flintstone's voice died, Henry Cordon. Henry took over in 1977 when original Fred Alan Reed died. Henry has been doing the Fruity Pebbles commercials all along.

I gotts say, I knew there was a different guy in the past 20+ years. One of my things, one of my super talents (and I think everyone has a super talent or two) is that I know voices and faces. Especially voices. Not bragging, just telling. I can pick out voices on commercials, in voice-overs, you name it. I have a really sensitive audio memory. People's inflections, timbre, cadence. I just know it. I'm good with faces too. I knew for a long time that Fred Flintsone's voice changed, but the guy who was doing the Fruity Pebbles commercials was really good. But his timbre was like a diagonal half-step lower than Alan Reed's. It sounded riht, but was tired ins some way. I just thought Alan Reed might have gotten older and his voice mellowed. But something in me always said "No dude, it's not the same guy." It was in the way some of his vowels were stronger or softer in certain words compared to Alan Reed's. Henry had a bit more melody to his inflections than Alan. Henry's long vowel sounds would rise or fall in pitch over their duration sometimes. Alan's was a solid note from consonant to consonant.
Henry/the Fruity Pebbles commercials would exclaim "Baaahr-nee" with the "nee" a lower pitch than the "baaahr"
Alan's "Baaahr-nee" would stay same note for both syllables.

Anyway, this proved me right.

And double anyway, here's a cool picture of the original Flintstone's couples from back in the day.

Fred, Wilma, Betty, Barney

Good job Alan and Henry. Fred was a great one. Just like Jackie Gleason who he was modeled after.

Good weekend

Saw Star Wars twice so far. What a fun movie.


***********

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Joy and I park and start towards Whole Foods when I notice a nice Lincoln Town car next to us with it's trunk open/unshut completely. And no one around. I wonder if I should close it for the person who may not realize it didn't shut. I casually look in and there's groceries and valueables. Do I help my fellow man, or just walk away?

So I shut the trunk.

And the alarm goes off.

"PAMP! PAMP! PAMP! PAMP! PAMP!"

Between the 2nd and 3rd PAMP! I have already promptly (and stone-faced) turned back towards Whole Foods and head off into the store fed up, shaking my head as I angrily marvel at the irony via a tight-lipped fed-up smirk that would make Harrison Ford proud.

As George Costanza would exclaim: "Ya know WE'RE LIVING IN A SOCIETY HERE!!"

Ya try to help a guy out, but he's got himself so protected even the good guys can't get in.

And really folks, have you ever seen anyone anywhere hear that PAMP!PAMP!PAMP!PAMP! and get up concerned saying "Hey everyone! Someone's car's being broken into! We need to catch the bad guy!!"

No. Ya don't. What you see is everyone half turn towards the barrage of PAMP!'s and go back about their business with a whisper of a look on their face that's saying "some a-hole's alarm is now going to ruin everyone's mood within earshot. Please God let it stop within the next 3 seconds."

Good Shot Red Two!

Episode 3 works.
Pop in Episode 4 when you get home.
It's all new again.


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The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone: the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes, and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit: the frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

From the annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition.
Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now
goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a
dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude
shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the
way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty
bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a
sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she
was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel
trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from
not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids
around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten
to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing
legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally
staple it to the wall.

CHECK ME IF I'M WRONG SANDY...
You know you're getting old when googling the term 'cinderella story' for a pic of Bill Murray in Caddyshack returns back pages of Hillary Duff living every American Daddy's girls dream.


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DA RUZ
My bro The Ruz is a firemen in the Air Force. This weekend his fireman team deploys to Irag for their required 120 days tour of duty. Living out in that 120 degree heat in those deluxe tents, walking around in full camo and battle gear, with an M-16 in his hand. Flying out Sunday in one of those big C-5 Galaxy cargo planes that can fly like 5 tanks inside it. The plan is he's just to do what he's been doing in Texas, but in Iraq - hanging at the Firehouse on the base waiting for fire or plane crashes.

But their flying into Baghdad airport (the one we took over) and then convoying over to their base, sitting in those transports with an M-16 in his hands. Crazy. I really hope it goes ok and he just hangs out there and comes home safe and well. I think I've had more bro-to-bro talks over more beers with him than anyone, besides my best pal from high school Dr. Dan.

Sitting in my little Trenton upper flat drinking Guiness for years, him chillin on the couch, me lounging in my purple Lazyboy, just going_OFF on whatever was worthy of going off on in our lives. Girls, jobs, music, drumming, rock, jobs, politics, getting into/thru/and out of ourselves alot of just maturing and growing up shit that people do. You know - the pal you have who you can sit in a room for 6 hours with and just vent or rant or laugh with over beers, jamming tunes, reflecting on what you think you're starting to think about your life (and life in general) as it evolves in your mind and in front of you.

The friend who you actually admit to what you're fucking up in your life. It's not just escapist entertainment hanging out, it's good talkin'. The friend who, after hours of watching concert vids, or jammin tunes, laughing your ass off at a movie and beers, at 2am you're both near passing out reflecting on your own sh*t and saying with all dead honesty "Dude, f*ck man..., I gotta [insert recent epiphany here] and get my shit together, this is bullshit." THAT kind of bro. The kind who calls you out when you're runnin' some b.s., whether on others or just yourself. I guess that's what a best friend is.

For whatever that's worth.
I got great friends.


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FUNK BOMB
Tonight I recalled the sheer tectonic funk intensity of the George Clinton show I saw about 4 years ago...I couldn't take it after 3 hours. It was too much funk. I'm too white to go the distance. I made an admirable effort, but I remember turning to my buddy Judd and saying there was no way I could carry on. Its was too much funk, I had been carpet-bombed repeatedly with Music Missiles. Da Funk was exploding my brain. It was a wall I hit, which I when I try to think of a comparison, what comes to me is being kept in a small windowless padded room in an asylum and the drumbeat from the Zeppelin song "When The Levee Breaks" is played constantly for days. At first you can groove to it. Then it gets really hypnotic. Then you play silly games like making yourself pretend its the sound of a factory next door, or a big civil War train chugging along slow. Then you get tired of all that and wish it would stop, just for a bit to catch your psychological breathe per se, but it won't. Then after awhile you think that deep pocket of groove is going to make your head explode. It's so heavy, the military gun council gave a rock beat a .calibur designation. It's like that.

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EH, ACTUALLY NORMIE...
I read in a CNN piece today about the celebrity charity premieres of the latest and last Star Wars movie 'Revenge of the Sith.' One of the celebrities attending was John Ratzenberger, "Cliff" the postman from TV's 'Cheers'. Yes he was in Star Wars. Seriously, no Below sarcasm here. Do you know where? Guess.

Give up?

He was in Empire. On Hoth. A rebel chief. When Leia gave the Rebel Hoth troops their evacuation and rendevouz information pep talk, near the wing of the parked X-Wing. Right after she says "Good Luck", a sargent kinda guy immediatley says" Ok, everyone to your ships, LET'S GO!"

That's Cliffy. Listen to how he says it, specially the "Let's GO!" His "GO!" has the rounded O of that Boston accent he had on Cheers. And you can hear its his voice.

He had alot of bit parts in big movies back then. He was one of the radar tech/watchers in the first Superman movie. When Superman was chasing the two missiles Lex aimed at both coasts, there's cliffie with the headset mic with the military chief over Cliff's shoulder watching missiles as graphics on his screen.

I'm not lying, but I'm too tired to google for the exact shots.
Ok, lemme try, we'll see if first tries work.


Even better, proof of him in both movies here.

Remember this next time for 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
Oliver Stone to Yoda.
Oliver directed Woody Harrelson in Larry Flynt, Woody was with Cliff on Cheers, Cliff was in Empire Strikes Back.

We're not Generation X, we're Generation C(able).

iWhat? I podded. Podded what? The plants, iDid.

Blogging late after my first ever "Worked Out On An Elyptical Machine While Listening To an iPod."
Visual distraction was an old Seinfeld I couldn't hear anyway.
Music tonight was Queen's 'One Vision' and 'Headlong'. Each about 3 times.

"...Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme FRIED CHI-KUN! (Chii-kuhn, chiiii-kooohn, shooow cooone...

Well, what are You listening to on the treadmill??
Counting Crows??

"HeYEEAAAAAUUgh...!"

Aw shit, I'm supposed to do that at the end.


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Check out this surfing video. I don't know of this is CG trickery or not, but man it's awesome.
As in truly full of awe-ness.
-Thanks Jan

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Umphrey's McGee is playing the Bell's Brewery in Kalamazoo, Saturday night, June 4.

"You will go see Umphrey's McGee..."

"This IS the band you're looking for."


***********
***********

This movie sounds really cool. A possessed drummer who has 4 different voices speaking thru him. His going mad and letting this happen on stage makes him become a hugely popular lounge act.
There's something I feel I need to be learning from this.

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I finally got the sitemeter counter back on this page. Now I can see for myself again how only 3 friends of mine visit this blog. They learned to laugh at my ranting years ago during the EMU 'Animal House' years...

[New person to one of our parties]: "Whoa, who's that dude ranting and smiling and waving his arms all over. He seems really angry."

[Zac, Brendan, Andy, Bill, Micael, Ruz, Matt, Rob, or Joel]: "Naw, that's just Dave. He's just really passionate."

[New person]: "Passionate? Passionate about what?"

[Zac, Brendan, Andy, Bill, Micael, Ruz, Matt, Rob, or Joel]: "Anything you think sucks. Anyway, here...balloon?"

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***********

Don't put this album in your notes, put it in your life.

We'll just say it was road-tested.


"HeYEEAAAAAUUgh...!"

Saw Trey Anastasio Saturday night in Cincinnati. First road trip with coworker Steve Bekkala. First time seeing Trey live together as I kind of pushed him to see Phish, and luckily he got to twice before they disbanded. So that was fun.

Being a big Phish fan, it was a strange thrill seeing Trey live without the other Phish guys.

But if what Bekkala and I witnessed from Trey (and his band) was something that was indeed being contained or impeded by the natural dynamic of 'The Chemistry That Is Phish' after 17 years, I'm happy for Trey and glad Phish called it when they did.

Trey went to 11.

And at once it made me love Trey AND Phish even more.


HUMONGOUS PROPS to the opening band the John Butler Trio. Astounding.
You will be hearing about this group, I guarantee you.

Bam

Here comes:

Baby Got BOOK!

A religious version of the Sir MixAlot classic.


*****************


Ah, Double Standards...
Note the mascot's choice of books. Priceless.


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The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.  Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.  Correct installation is illustrated below:


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Wonder is right...



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Hooray for Small Enterprise
readmyboobs.com


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Ok, personal stuff:

Talk about geeked. Out of the blue, this remastered deluxe edition of the first Power Station album came out a week ago.

Re-mastered, plus some remixes (eh, whatev), a bonus track that was a song they had on the soundtrack to 'Commando', that Ahnuld movie from 1986 where he kicks ass rescuing his kidnapped 10 year-old not-naked-all-the-time-yet, but-in-near-future-will-be-bitching-about-naked-pics-of-herself-on-this-new-internet-thing Alyssa Milano daughter. The song 'Someday, Somehow, Someone's Gonna Pay' sounds like a heavy rock song that plays during the end credits after a movie like that.

And it wasn't Robert Palmer singing but Michael Des Barres who sang after Palmer left to be the Robert Palmer we all remember in the Addicted To Love video. Kinda run of the mill, but the pocket is heavy as hell thanks to Tony Thompson on drums. Tony's the guy who played with Zeppelin at Live Aid. He hammered and felt the pocket like Bonham did. And that's almost sacrilegious to say, but it was true.

I wanted to smack Robert for skipping out like that, especially for missing Live Aid with the Station. Not that the Live Aid dvd has the Power Station performance on it. But therein lies the reason I'd say.

Michael Des Barres...sounds familiar don't it? That's because you probably remember his former wife Pamela Des Barres, former groupie to the classic rock icons of the 70s and 80s.
She was like the 70s Tawny Kitaen of rock whores except Pam went on to get a book deal to talk about Jimmy Page's penis (among MANY others), rather than get arrested like Tawney for beating up a baseball player boyfriend after leaving O.J. before "Tantrum '94".

Aw, you know Tawny, the redhead who slithered on the cars in the Whitesnake video.

HEY!, speaking of the 'Snake, no shit, they are playing the Toledo Harley Davidson Store parking lot this summer! Man, that would be a blast! Just the sound of that gig invokes beer, crank, and blistering guitar leads.

Say it again:
Whitesnake at the Toledo Harley Davidson Parking Lot.

You'd think we'd need to call Curtis Sliwa and the Guardian Angels to keep the peace for this one, but Curt's too busy guest-hosting Sean Hannity's radio talk show.

I don't know if it'd be cooler to see them there or at the Royal Oak Music theater 4 days later. Wait. Yes I do. Well, at least in the Toledo Harley lot the people there wouldn't be cynical hipsters trying to act like they're only there because it's some kind of a mock-retro appreciation dickhead thing to do for a laugh. Sipping on the PBR they don't really like, using exaggerated body language to over-prove to people around them that they're only there as a lark because they 'd never really admit that Whitesnake indeed does put on a hellacious rock show.

Look you fuckin' wienies, if you're gonna act and dress like you're rather be listening to Weezer and Elvis Costello, then stay home and do it. I'm not talking about just this Whitesnake show, I'm talking about the rest of your life.
"Can ya hear me now? Good. Cuz I wanna tell you you look just like me."


Yeah...I'm thinking being outside on some blacktop, on a summernight, with rows of Harleys behind me, swirling rainbows of color from the stage light show in the chrome exhaust pipes of the bikes moving to the strains of "In The Still of The Night''s Zeppelin rip-off violin bridge would be pretty fun. Or I could do it standing in the 'cinder-block warehouse with drapes' that is the RO music theater, where the motto is "Good sound? City Ordinance 341 prohibits that."


Aaaaanyway... this new Power Station album also came with a DVD containing this sweet 30 minute promo video that used to exist with all 3 PS videos, plus in-studio stuff of them playing. Always wanted that. AND!... the band playing 'Some Like It Hot' on Saturday night Live in Feb 85. I saw it once, and always wanted a tape of it.

I vividly remember seeing it in 1985, all 14 years of me, thinking "Man, this is confusing EVERYBODY in that audience. It's the 'Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News, I Got a Bad Case of Loving You" guy in a suit, with the two guitarists from Duran Duran dressed like leather samurai's, one of whom is wearing a skirt, and some professor-looking black dude wailing funky rock beats on drums.

FUCKING_ AWESOME.

Gimme eccentric and eclectic lookin' cats who can play anyday.

R.I.P Robert, Tony Thompson (the drummer), and Bernard Edwards (producer and member of Chic who produced the Power Station)

Fortunately I got to meet Robert, Tony, and Andy Taylor at Clutch Cargo's in 97 when they put out a 2nd album (11 years after the first). High school friend of mine was taking photos for Rolling Stone and got me into the Meet & Greet. Got autographs on my Power Station CD sleeve. Pics of the show are at popfolio.com, her site. Loads of great pics of all kinds of bands there. Big bands.